without regard for probabilities…
It’s 8:40 in the morning. I’m laying on the olive, sueded couch in the living room. It sounds like the garbage truck keeps coming by. I found out yesterday morning that it’s not the garbage truck, but another large piece of machinery driving by the empty lot next door. The builders are storing large palattes of wood for the last of the houses being constructed. I heard it this morning and thought, well, maybe this time it is the garbage truck. We have a growing mountaing of full trash bags building up in our garage. I thought I should at least check. At one time I recall knowing what days trash pick up were, but like many other bits of essential and non essential information, it has been purged from my system.
I’m still not feeling fantastic today. It is always my goal to feel fantastic, and I always fall short. I remember as a kid certain times feeling great. Saturday morning cartoons is one. I would wake up, on my own at six am to watch television and eat cereal. It was the best feeling ever. Just thinking about it makes me feel even less fantastic than I already do. I really would like to have that back. I miss it.
I thought I had to work today, but I don’t. I can do anything I want today. I can go anywhere. I have enough money. I have freedom and choices, no obligations or restrictions. Instead of feeling exhilarated and giddy with possibility, I feel overwhelmed and tired.
This is one of the reasons I’m attracted to my crazy, emotional, dramatic friend who is no longer marrying the Abercrombie and Fitch model. She is a ego centric, childlike woman/girl who is in complete wonderment at everything. She is always a sparkling whirlwind of drama and a brillant dazzle of light as she constantly goes down in flames. Which usually is entertaining and exciting to me…..but also means, she doesn’t really have anything to give.
*As I’m writing this and feeling pathetic, one of my very best friends from Detroit called me. She’s coming to LA this Wednesday and Thursday and I’m meeting her there. My mood is greatly improved.*
I now feel fantastic.
Message to the Universe:
Dear Universe,
Hey, how’s it going? Anyway…. I just wanted to tell you that I am open to meeting people that are more in line with making me in tune with the fantastic nature of you. I know they are out there….even though this is Las Vegas and all, and I know that you will send all of your funky, mojo, universal vibrations down from on high to help me out of this rigid box I have been slowly closing myself into.
Thanks,
Call me…..
Cindigo
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