Here’s a random story about Vegas that I think of from time to time. If you haven’t been to Vegas, the strip is riddled with Mexican men and some women in large packs wearing florescent shirts, rudely handing out fliers for “strippers” direct to your room. They’re really pushy and will snap and flick the cards right in your face or many times reach across a woman to try to hand one of the cards to a boyfriend/husband.

One afternoon I came out of Sephoria (girly makeup store) next to the Venetian (swanky hotel) on the strip. There were a group of these guys packed together which was not unusual, but they had strange looks on their faces and were unnaturally quiet. I walked past them, across a driveway and turned around to look again. They were all staring in a strange direction and seeming like they were anticipating something. I walked a little further and leaned against a pedestrian barrier to see if I could figure out what was going on.

Less than a minute later two women in skirts came walking innocently down the sidewalk. The walked in front of the pack of men and across a driveway. All of a sudden, their skirts blew up above their heads, a la Marilyn Monroe. The throng of Mexican guys all let out a raucous cheer. The women rushed off the grate that they unsuspectingly walked over, shrieking and smoothing down their skirts.

When they were gone, the guys got back in position, anxiously awaiting the next unsuspecting victims. I started towards my car, quietly giggling to myself.

I know you’ve been waiting by the computer, refreshing your browser by the minute to make sure you would be the first to see a new update.

Andy pulled it off at the eleventh hour and worked it out so we could stay in Colorado and still have a decent income to keep the composting worms in compost and future kitten fosters in kitten chow. My friends even threw me a going away party that happily turned into a “yay you’re staying” party.

I was going to try my hardest to not mention roller derby in this post but there is nothing else as interesting to write about. Seriously, who wants to read that I spend all my time on Facebook, checking my email and occasionally go outside to feed the horse a carrot.

Oh wait, that’s kind of interesting, did I mention we have a horse? His name is Bad Horse. He’s not really our horse and his name is Romeo, or Bad Horse for short. He lives in the backyard.

About a month ago another neighbor came over and said she had some friends that were looking for a place to board their horse. A few days after, Bad Horse was living in our barn. It’s a pretty awesome deal, they clean up the poop and feed him. We get paid a little bit and get to pet and feed a horse carrots.

The last few days have been warm and spring like. I really enjoyed watching him roll around in his corral on his back like a over sized dog. Although, I will say it’s a little disappointing that his desire to be my friend is directly proportional to how many carrots I am holding.

Another somewhat awesome thing is the second car we’ve decided to get. We had planned on buying a older model Mazda Miata convertible to drive in Vegas. Now we’re staying in Denver, but the idea of a second car still sounds good. We’re continuing on with the plan. Can things get anymore awesome?

YES!

Because (you knew this was going to come around to roller derby again didn’t you) I have been promoted from newbie fresh meat to Kill Scout. It’s level 1a which means “baby” Kill Scout, but Kill Scout just the same. The process for moving up the ranks is newbie (practice Tuesdays and Thursdays), get promoted to Kill Scout 1a (add Monday/Wednesday practice with the big kids), Kill Scout 1b (get invited to Sunday scrimmage with the big kids), pass your skills test, pick a skater name, get drafted to a team.

Or something like that. The Kill Scout invitations and such are a little fuzzy.

So, to summarize:

Not moving to Vegas,
Staying in awesome Denver,
Horse living in the back yard,
Purchasing a Miata convertible,
Roller Derby promotion…all=awesome

I injured it about a month and a half ago and it’s been fine to marginal with me keeping a brace on it and sometimes icing it after practice. Last week we went to Florida and I slept on it wrong while we were on the plane and then forgot the brace and wasn’t able to get one for the two days. On the way home walking down the jet way to a connecting flight in Atlanta a lady brushed by me. While trying to get out of her way, my knee twisted every so slightly. I heard a crunch and I sucked in my breath and tears came to my eyes.

I got the message. It took awhile, but yes, I’m staying off skates for awhile.

What really sucks the big suck is that today is the first big game that we’ve been training all these months for. It’s a real game against the High City Derby Divas and the Rec League at the RMRG warehouse.

(*edit: I just got back from the bout and the newbies kicked ass! There were two bouts and the score for both games was something like 170 to 30. My brain and heart really wanted to play, but my body was content just watching.)

I did get to play the exhibition bout at the Filmore. It was only 20 minutes but really fun, held in an amazing venue and in front of two thousand screaming fans. That bout pretty much cemented my love for this sport.

Now it is time to watch mindless television with an ice pack on my knee in preparation for a bath and then more mindless television.

Derby Girls: a Sisterhood from Travis Menke on Vimeo.

After watching this, I’m surprised that I even still have knees. Although these girls obviously aren’t newbies.

Tomorrow is the first bout of the season. I’ll be at the Fillmore from noon to 8 or 9 and at the afterparty at the Skylark if you want to stop by and say hi.

Last night was roller prom. It’s basically what it sounds like. There was an awards ceremony for the RMRG volunteers and girls on some of the teams. It was alright but it made me realize that I’m not a dress up and go out kind of girl. I know, you’re all saying, really, you just realized that? No, I always knew it, but I thought maybe by joining roller derby I would change somehow.  Because these girls dress up a little more punk rock, and don’t really care if you roll through the doors in bedazzled sweat pants or a Victorian gown. But no, I still prefer smaller, quieter events where you can talk to each other and don’t wear uncomfortable toe destroying shoes. It was fun, but the time, energy and money I invested could have been better used. I’m awesome at planning parties but not as good at enjoying them. Lame, I know.

Rufus Learned Peabody (yes, that’s his real name) is visiting us from Vegas. He’s going back tonight and Andy is following our fine young, Yale educated economist/sports bettor friend out to the city of sin to bet on  Super Bowl props. This will leave me home alone to play roller derby and paint walls. Although if he’s going to be out there for awhile, I might fly out Thursday through Monday. It looks like we’re going to spend at least April and May in Vegas so if I go out for a few days, maybe I can psyche myself up for it. I’m hoping that the Sin City Roller girls will take in an orphan skater for a few months.

I have five kittens in the kitten room. The kitten cam is down because I poured chocolate soy milk into my macbook air keyboard. It’s working, but sporadicly. It’s the option keys that keep getting stuck down, but even after cleaning them really well with alcohol, the machine isn’t stable. So, I’m on the kitten netbook. Not as fancy, responsive or software plentiful, but, it’s much better than being stranded in this cold, cruel world with no internets.

The kittens have been with me for longer than usual. They have, to put it kindly, digestion issues. The vet had me feeding them plain yogurt with their dry food, but it didn’t seem to be working. Now, I give two of them .3 ML of antibiotics for sneezing that they thankfully seem to be over. and .3 ML of one type of antibiotics and .8 ML of another. That’s one full syringe of liquid meds plus another quarter. Multiply that by five cats, twice a day. They’re mostly pretty good about being manhandled,  flipped around and having horrible tasting liquid shot down their throats but, It’s kind of a ordeal. On top of that, the .8 ML brown, smelly liquid makes the cats foam at the mouth like they have rabies. They run around after they get the dose trying to outrun the bad taste all the while flinging foamy cat saliva all over the place. It’s pretty gross but, the karma points I’m building up, or the mansion Jesus is building me is well worth the effort.

I won’t even go into the description of the two litter boxes I have to clean out at least twice a day. The kittens think this is the funnest game evar. They climb up my back, sit on my shoulders and observe or, sometimes just tear around the room like crazy trying to jump into the poop bag every time they pass. Most of the time they all just gather around and swat at the scooper or try to jump on my hand. It started out cute but has progressively gotten less so over time.

After this, I think I might take a month or so off from kitten fostering.

C: “Andy, should I make a drink? It is New Years Eve and everything.”
A: “Sure, why not.”

I put the ice in the glass, poured the rum and then the coke. Lime. I just went grocery shopping, picked up some prescriptions and dinner. I couldn’t carry everything so I left a bunch of bags, one of them containing limes in the back of the Element.

I put my boots on and trudged out to the garage. While I was getting the bags I noticed the two mirrored closet doors that we had previously taken off the closet upstairs when the loft bed was being built. We thought we weren’t going to put them back on, but then decided to. I meant to bring them up yesterday.

After I put the grocery bags on the kitchen floor I went back out for the doors. I already had my boots on after all. I lugged the doors upstairs to the bedroom. While coming back down, I noticed a pile of laundry. I was going downstairs anyway, why not bring the laundry down.

When I went to throw the laundry in the washer, there was already a load in there. When I went to throw that load in the dryer, there was one in there ready to be taken out. I put the clean laundry from the dryer in the laundry basket and put it on the stairs to go up. I started the washer and dryer.

Back to the kitchen to unpack the groceries.

The last things in the bags were eight, four packs of wet cat food. I had been keeping the canned food in the cat room but it wasn’t an ideal system. In the morning when I feed them, I have to go in twice, once to get the food and then again to bring it in. They always try to escape and are successful much of the time. I found a bottom drawer with only a few kitchen towels in it and used half for the food. But there were more cans in the cat room.

I went into the cat room got the cans and let the cats out to explore the house for a little while.

I finished tearing open the plastic holding each of the four cans together and stacking them in the drawer. When I finished and turned around, I noticed the cats in one corner of the kitchen/dining room looking like they were chewing on something that they shouldn’t be. They scattered and I noticed that the two worms that I had seen on the floor were gone….

Let me insert here that I have a worm composting bin. It’s small, covered and doesn’t smell. I had to take it out of the laundry room because it was too cold for them in there. I put it right outside of the door, and am still deciding on where it should live. If the conditions are to wet or dry in the bin, or there isn’t enough food, sometimes a few earth worms will go searching for other conditions and end up outside of the Eco system.

….It looks like my little kittens of the apocalypse found a snack. I opened the top of the bin and thought they needed some moisture and food so I sprayed down the dirt and got a tupperware of rice that no one was going to eat and dumped it in.

I went to the kitchen sink to put the tupperware in and noticed a bunch of dishes. I washed them, turned around grabbed the lime that I originally went out for washed it, cut it up and squeezed a slice in my now flat, watery rum and coke.

Andy said that nothing like that train of thought has ever happened to him in his entire life. I asked him if he could tell me a story that could illustrate his train of thought. He said, the whole point is there would be no story to tell.

I think maybe my New Years resolution should be to be less complicated. I know that sometimes when I stop multi-tasking and thinking three steps ahead the household crumbles a little. Dishes pile up, trash overflows, laundry and other things that need to be done, don’t. But really, so what. I’m not saying I’m deciding to live in squalor, but maybe I just need to stop myself when I feel that compulsive pull, and redirect some energy to living in the moment.

Happy New Year.

Rules of Roller Derby

Practice ended up with a “ladder” relay. Five teams of five girls skating a relay race starting with one lap having each girl take their turn and going all the way up to five laps. At five laps, the relay goes back down to one lap with each girl on the team doing progressively fewer laps until the team is cycled through. We ended up running out of time to finish. Practice even went over about fifteen minutes.

After practice we went to another girl’s apartment close to the practice space and had a hot tub/wine and food party in the middle of a snowstorm on an open roof looking over Coors Field. Although the food was on a table thirty feet away from the hot tub and it no one was really excited about jumping out of the hundred and four degree water to walk through the snow in their bare feet to grab the Doritos. Although, the more wine that was consumed, the more food seemed to make it’s way over.

I got a new batch of kittens today. Right now they’re staying in the laundry room. There’s been a breakout of ringworm at the shelters and before I can put them in their room, I have to take out the carpet remnants and replace them with other remnants or something else, bleach all their toys and bedding and then bleach down the walls and all surfaces.

Normally this would be mildly irritating. But today after P90X (new workout program Andy and I are in the second week of) and over two hours of pouring out every ounce of energy I had in Derby Practice yesterday, just lifting the weight of my own arms is seeming to take effort. Not painful, but my body really wants to stay in one place.

Even though I’m really tired, I don’t want to leave them in the laundry room for too long. They like to stay hidden behind the washer and dryer, out of reach. They’re at the age that the more you play with them, the more socialized to humans they become and will be more adoptable. Letting them cower back there is a dereliction of my duty and, lets be honest here, I really want to play with my new little guys.

I just moved the dryer at an angle as a compromise to psyching myself up into breaking out the gloves and bleach, and for one horrifying second though I crushed a kitten under it’s weight.

I think that’s enough for tonight.

Roller Derby is amazing fun. I know I’ve only been to one practice, and I know I’m klutzy and not the best skater yet, but it’s awesome. For the first practice we worked on some basic skating skills, blocking and then did one minute scrimmages in our street shoes. I wiped out twice in one minute just running on my feet! Falling is fun, skating is fun, hitting is fun and just learning and improving is fun. Every girl I’ve met so far is unnaturally nice, and has that burning fire behind her eyes that I love to see in people. I look for it everywhere I go, and until I met this bunch, didn’t see it to often. Some may say crazy eyes, I prefer passionate.

Next practice is Tuesday. It’s mandatory to attend one higher level scrimmage a Sunday a month to keep track of penalties, score and generally get more familiar with rules and strategy. I already have plans to go this Sunday.

Every girl should do this. I think I really missed out growing up and not playing team sports. Who knew I had the ability to be such a jock. Plus, who knew there could be a sport that was so physically challenging and yet catered to my inner “stripper” who likes to wear fishnets and tons of eye makeup.

You’re not supposed to get your derby name until you get out of the “fresh meat” training schedule, but is there any question that my derby name isn’t going to be Cindigo? If you have any catchy suggestions, I’m listening. My favorite name, and a seriously skilled skater on RMRG “Whipity Pow“. What a great name.

Other than Roller Derby taking up most of my brain space, not much else is going on at the Denver Compound. Little Nubbin the snail died of “we hope” natural causes. But Snail Ernhart, JJ goldfish and Abraham are going strong. The kitten room is unoccupied as of right now and I’m getting a little kitten lonely. Andy has been betting football most every weekend and some weekdays and is doing well. Other than a few days so far, the Denver winter has been really mild. At least I though it was mild compared to growing up in the midwest. Everyone here, has told me that this winter has been unusually harsh. This is good news if this is the worst Denver is going to throw at me. For god’s sake, it’s 48 degrees today.

Hopefully Monday we can put our snowboarding annual passes to use.

Instead of meditation or some other relaxing thing that might help me get to sleep, I present to you, The Andrew Blair meme:

1. What does Andrew Blair look for in a partner?

quirky sense of humor and small boobs. Hey….that’s me! (Thoughts at the edit: Was that in poor taste to comment on my chest? Should I take it down? Was it funny enough to leave up? Not really but I already wrote it and I can’t think of anything better that isn’t boring and sappy. What the hell, leave it up.)

2. What would be a good way to make Andrew Blair’s day?

The clean version is movies and pizza on the couch.

3. Should Andrew Blair shave their head?

I think he could pull it off.

4. What would Andrew Blair name his children?

I seriously have no idea. Maybe he could chime in. I know this week I was thinking that Sunday would be a cool name for a girl….or a kitten. It was inspired by a really cool vampire from Buffy the Vampire Slayer series.

5. Would you swap lives with Andrew Blair for a week?

It’s hard to say, we have pretty similar lives being together 24/7 and all. But I don’t think I could handle the pressure of gambling. And the math, oh the math. My head hurts just thinking about it.

6. What object would Andrew Blair get stopped for in an airport?

Hair product. I think we’ve lost three to TSA so far. But it’s always adorable when the lady pulls him over to the side and takes out the offending bottle. (that’s not sarcasm, I really think it’s cute)

7. Would you sacrifice your life to save Andrew Blair?

In a heartbeat.

8. When was the last time you viewed Andrew Blair’s profile on Facebook?

Three minutes ago.

9. What was your first impression of Andrew Blair?

I don’t remember that far back, but on our re-meeting my first impression was that he was kind, funny and adorable and something that I must hold onto forever and ever.

10. What is Andrew Blair’s best physical feature?

He’s got great eyes and really strong arms.

11. What does Andrew Blair look good in?

He has many t-shirts that I love. He looks great in a suit, but the last occasion we felt was momentous enough to dress up that much for was our wedding five years ago. We’re kind of hobos like that.

12. If Andrew Blair was a space pilot, would you trust him to take you to the moon?

He would love to be a space pilot and I would trust him implicitly.

13. If Andrew Blair was really rich, would you ask him for stuff?

Yes. Specifically an unlimited supply of kittens and a spot on the Rocky Mountain Roller girls league….oh….wait….

14. What is the theme song of Andrew Blair’s life?

you got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em
know when to walk away and know when to run
you never count your money while your sittin’ at the table
Ther’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done
-The Gambler, Kenny Rogers

15. Have you ever had a heart-to-heart conversation with Andrew Blair?

Yes. They are usually about how I want more heart-to-heart conversation.

16. What do you think Andrew Blair writes about in his diary?

If Andrew Blair had a diary, he would be a girl. But, lets pretend.

He would write about sports betting and bankroll management. It would be interspersed with thoughts on hockey (playing not watching) and his undying love and devotion to his really awesome wife.

17. How did you meet Andrew Blair?

He lived down the street. We went to kindergarten together. Then, he found me again on the internets. It was all very romantic.

18. Would Andrew Blair beat you at a random computer game?

Random, yes probably. But, I think I would have a fighting chance. I would definitely kick ass in Centipede and I am the current record holder on phone Tetris. I think I would fail in Wii boxing, tennis and come to about even in Galaga.

Jesus, how old am I? Centipede? Galaga?

Oh, and if you count pinball (not really a computer game, but I’ll throw it in) I would lose by a billion. That guy is a pinball wizard for real.

19. Can Andrew Blair live without a phone?

Live without mistress Droid. Bite your tongue.

20. What do you think Andrew Blair has under their bed right now?

I know what Andrew Blair has under his bed right now…me. He’s sleeping ten feet in the air on the loft bed, and I’m laying here at 3:24 am typing this.